The Silent Struggle: Parents Can Boost Children’s Mental Health
It was a quiet Sunday afternoon when Shade first noticed her son, Demola, retreating into himself. At nine years old, Demola had always been a bubbly, curious child, eager to explore and full of questions about the world around him. But lately, the light in his eyes seemed dimmed, and the once-endless stream of questions had turned into silence. Shade couldn’t pinpoint exactly when it started, but the change felt profound, as though something deep inside her son had shifted.
Like many parents, Shade initially thought it was just a phase—perhaps the weight of growing up. But as weeks passed, she realized this silence was not going away. Demola would come home from school, drop his backpack by the door, and head to his room without a word. Concerned, Shade found herself wondering, How can I help him?
Parenting is a complex and often emotional journey, filled with moments of joy, frustration, and deep concern. Like Shade, many parents find themselves unprepared for the emotional challenges their children face as they navigate the turbulent waters of childhood and adolescence.
Mental health in children is a silent struggle, often overlooked, yet critical to their development. To understand how to support their children through these struggles, it’s essential for parents to consider some psychological factors and understand why and how their children behave the way they do. Theories of child development, such as those by psychologists Jean Piaget and Erik Erikson, can offer valuable insights.
Understanding Through Piaget’s Lens
Jean Piaget, a pioneer in developmental psychology, emphasized that children learn and develop in stages, each marked by different cognitive abilities. In his theory, children move through four stages: the sensorimotor, preoperational, concrete operational, and formal operational stages. At nine years old, Demola was in the concrete operational stage, where children begin to think logically about concrete events, develop the concept of conservation, and understand the perspectives of others.
Before this silent period, Demola had been deeply interested in understanding the world around him, asking endless questions. This aligned with Piaget’s idea that, at this stage, children try to make sense of their environment in more sophisticated ways. But something had changed. Shade wondered whether Demola was struggling to make sense of his inner emotional world, just as he had once tried to understand external concepts.
In Piaget’s framework, children in this stage may experience frustration when they encounter problems they can’t solve or emotions they can’t understand or express. This may have been Demola’s silent struggle. He was no longer just processing external knowledge—he was beginning to grapple with his internal emotional world. Shade realized she needed to meet Demola where he was, helping him not just with homework or life skills, but with understanding and naming his emotions.
Erikson’s Perspective: The Battle of Identity
A sad African girl
Erik Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development provides another crucial insight. According to Erikson, children face different psychological crises at various stages of life. For Demola, the current stage was the “Industry vs. Inferiority” stage. During this phase, children are eager to learn and accomplish tasks, hoping to feel competent and proud of their abilities. However, if they fail to achieve these goals, they may begin to feel inferior or incapable.
Shade began to connect the dots. Demola had recently struggled in school, particularly with a difficult math subject. His once-carefree attitude had given way to feelings of doubt. Erikson’s theory helped Shade understand that Demola might be internalizing these struggles, feeling as though his inability to conquer math meant something bigger about his worth. It’s easy to overlook these moments as a parent, chalking them up to childhood frustration, but they can be pivotal in shaping a child’s identity and self-esteem.
Shade realized that Demola might be withdrawing because he felt overwhelmed and inferior. He’s afraid of failure and unsure of how to express these feelings. The silent struggle was, in part, a result of Demola’s crisis of identity. Shade knew she needed to help him feel capable and remind him that struggling was a normal part of learning.
Supporting the Silent Struggle
A father and his son having a conversation
With insights from Piaget and Erikson, Shade understood that her role was to provide both emotional and practical support. But how could she do this in a way that would resonate with Demola? She began by creating space for open discussions. At dinner, instead of diving into questions about schoolwork, she asked about his day in ways that encouraged him to share his feelings. “What was the hardest part of your day today?” she asked gently. Slowly, her son began to open up, expressing his frustration with school and his sense of failure. By giving him words to describe his emotions, Shade was helping him process his feelings. This is similar to how Piaget described children learning to categorize and understand the world around them.
Shade also worked to boost Demola’s sense of competence. She encouraged him to tackle tasks in small, manageable chunks, celebrating each small victory along the way. When he struggled with math, she reminded him that everyone finds certain things challenging, and that effort, not perfection, was the goal. This approach was rooted in Erikson’s understanding that children need to feel a sense of accomplishment. This helps to take out the feelings of inferiority.
Most importantly, Shade gave Demola the space to express his emotions without judgment. She realized that children’s mental health is not just about solving problems—it’s about allowing children to feel heard, valued, and understood.
Practical Steps to Support Your Child’s Mental Well-being
Concerned about her son’s emotional struggles, Shade took proactive steps to support his mental health:
Create a safe space for open communication by asking about feelings rather than just daily activities.
Teach emotional literacy using tools like emotion wheels to help children understand and label their feelings.
Encourage independence by guiding children through problem-solving instead of solving things for them.
Foster social connections by arranging playdates or group activities to help children build strong relationships.
Limit screen time and encourage physical activities like biking to promote mental well-being.
Establish a consistent routine to provide stability and reduce anxiety.
Recognize early signs of emotional distress and seek support when necessary.
Through patience and understanding, Shade allowed Demola to process his emotions in his own time, validating his feelings and fostering emotional resilience. Grounded in her knowledge of developmental psychology, Shade’s efforts helped her son grow into a more confident and emotionally healthy child, which is the dream of every parent.
A mum having a lovely time with her son
In conclusion, the silent struggle of children’s mental health requires parents to listen deeply and understand the developmental challenges their children face. From Piaget, we learn that children are not just learning about the world outside—they are also making sense of their inner emotional landscape. From Erikson, we are reminded that children are constantly building their sense of self and worth, which can be fragile during times of difficulty.
Shade’s journey with Demola reminds us that parents don’t need to have all the answers. What they need is the patience to understand their child’s struggles and the empathy to support them through it. By embracing these psychological insights, parents can help their children emerge from silence. Not just as resilient individuals but also as emotionally intelligent and confident human beings.